It's been a long time since I didn't give myself all the attentions that I deserve!
I was sick for 3 days and I didn't went to school, I had some time to think and finally some time to relax. Well being in bed all the day and having stomachache isn't the best thing, but still I found happiness in the little things that I've done.
I realized that I shouldn't continue watching again Skins, my favorite TV show, because it creates problems to me, which I should not have. I mean, I like very much a character in this TV show, but it gives me a bad influence. I start thinking like her and this is not positive! To find my interior happiness I have to stop watching it!
I read all the day long a book and was transported in its beautiful adventure! I spent hours reading and wishing a nice life like the main character! However I think that I'm starting to get jealous and envy her, which it's totally wrong, 'cause everyone needs to be himself! Envy kills people and at last makes the people feel bad.
Sometimes I envy my boyfriends life, I envy his brilliant personality and his character! I love the way he puts passion in what he does and the success that he obtains! He is independent and free. He has a nice and happy life, but I don't want to be the cause of his sadness, that's why I'm changing! I'm very thankful to him and appreciate his patience that he gave to me. I love the way he care about me and love the passion that he has in his eyes when he looks at me! The spark that's between us never disappeared, it just became more weak and fragile! But I know and I'm convinced that there is still hope for us, that depends only on me! I have to find my internal happiness and expand my happiness also to him! He has to feel the power that's between us and the strong and mighty love that's we have! It's not difficult to obtain!
There never was a problem in me, a part form the lack of confidence that I have, which caused me problems to speak and the lack of relationship with my mother, that I thought it was causing me problems and instead, I only had to talk to her and resolve the question by talking!
I hope that my boyfriend understands me and that he really cares! I know that he does and that he misses me! I just want to reestablish what we lost in these months of faded relationship. I want to built what we didn't have and to recuperate what we didn't lived jet!
