“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho

Feeling like I'm living in hell 25/09/12

In these days I fight with my parents, I wrote them a letter, in which I tell them that I', tired of this shitty situation that I'm living in! I'm scared and anxious for school, not because I don't like it, but because I have to study a lot and soon I have the internal and oral assessments! My parent don't give me enough freedom, in the sense that they want me to do whatever they want all the time, however not that I'm old enough I can decide when and with whom I want to go out! I'm a little rebel and nobody is going to stop me! This is my character... Someone may say that I'm egoist and careless, but that's not totally true. I mean, I'm like that to the things that I don't care.

When I wrote the letter, my parents interpreted it in a different way, not slightly like I wanted them to understand! They think that I told them that they are devils and that my house is hell, but in reality I wrote that the atmosphere in the house seems hell, cause there's too much tension! I don't think that the two idea relate completely, not even a bit!

I don't want to spoil what's left from the relationship with my parents. I see my father very little, one week once every two or three months, we don't talk much, mostly because we don't have to talk, but also because it's a matter of language. He talks in russian, me too of course, but since I lived in Italy for the past 14 years, I more used to italian. I know better how to express myself, even in english it would be no problem, but whenever I have to talk to my father, there is a little language problem. I try my best, but not always the result satisfies both! With my mother, we live a love and hate relationship. Our peace may last for some days and then the war breaks out! My mother is the only "very close" person that I know, which can understand and support me in whatever situation! I feel a different kind of love for her, than for my boyfriend, I mean, this should be normal, but this mother-daughter relationship is somehow special, even though I hate her some of the times!